


Tweet Tunes

by Cawerkuu



Series: Fics Based Off Of Songs [5]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Drinking, First Kiss, Gay Bar, Getting Together, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Original Character(s), Sex, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 17:56:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18878293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cawerkuu/pseuds/Cawerkuu
Summary: Phil is bringing guys home so Dan expresses his feeling by quoting lyrics on Twitter.





	Tweet Tunes

 

"Uhn! Oh! Yeah - right - ah - there! Yes - oh - yeah - faster!" Dan felt like he was in a loop, hearing the moans of the another person and the heavy rocking of Phil's spring mattress across the hallway from him. Phil knew their walls were like rice paper, so very thin so surely he knew Dan could hear _everything_ , right? So why couldn't he go to that person's place instead of theirs?

"Yeah - fuck - you're so good - ah!" And there went Phil's husky moans as he slammed harder indicated by the creaks and squeaks from the springs in his bed. Dan sighed, he really hated that Phil did this. He understood the man had needs like anyone else but could he, maybe, not do it here?

"O-oh - there - right there - Phil!" The man screamed. How did Phil expect him to be able to sleep through this?

Better question, did Phil really think Dan was having a decent sleep schedule at all with his constant tired sighs, dark bags underneath his eyes, and slow lanky movements. It was obvious he wasn't sleeping well and maybe Phil didn't want to upset Dan by bringing it up but if that's the case, why would he bring home people when he _knows_ Dan hasn't been sleeping and would probably hear or see him? The only logical conclusion that didn't make Phil look like a douche was that he didn't notice Dan had gotten worse since he looked like that a lot.

Okay no, that still made Phil out to be a douche.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if Phil talked to him about it first. Maybe it wouldn't hurt if Phil didn't lie by saying, 'I'm going out with some friends' when in reality he's going out to get a good fuck. But Dan knows that wouldn't change anything. Maybe it wouldn't hurt the most if Dan wasn't so horribly in love with him.

He knew his feelings were unrequited. Phil would have said or done something by now if he did like Dan in any romantic way. Dan was for sure of that. Phil was different to Dan in that regard, he was much more impulsive than he makes himself out to be while Dan is overly cautious.

It's probably why he's still a virgin at twenty seven years old. Damn, what a loser. He knows Phil lost his long ago but he doesn't think Phil knows about him still being a virgin. He wouldn't joke about sex and the like if he did considering Dan has never actually _'got some'_ as he puts it.

But for now, Dan would try not to hear the panting of unnamed stranger and Phil across the hall and try to get _some_ sleep.

* * *

 

"Oh, you must be his roommate." A boy with ashy blonde hair and bright green eyes said, walking out of Phil's room in a loose muscle shirt and a pair of black boxers. The lack of fabric showed his well tanned skin and how perfect the size of his limbs were.

"Yeah. I'm Dan." He says, not sure why seeing as Phil never brings or talks about a person after he fucks them senseless into his mattress. A mattress Dan has refused to sit on or touch since Phil started bringing people home a week ago. "Do you want some water or coffee?"

"Do you have tea?" The male smiles, walking into the kitchen part of their apartment. Dan nods and gestures over to the small wooden tea box in the corner of their kicthen counter. "Oh, I'm Jade by the way."

"You have a pretty name." Dan compliments, getting the kettle out and turning the water on so he could make Phil's 'guest' some tea. Dan was always told he was very polite even if the worst of times. He knows he's not, especially when he's angry but he has no reason to be angry at Jade. His anger is directed toward Phil, not Jade.

"Thank you!" Jade smiles happily, looking around. "You guys have a really nice place."

"Thanks. We looked forever for this one." Dan said, turning the stove top on.

"I like your curls." Jade says after a few moments of silence, pointing to his hair.

"Oh, thanks I guess." Dan grimaces, remembering he hadn't handled his hair situation. While he lets his hair be curly, he organizes it somewhat with a curler which he didn't do it this morning.

"It's really cute. It suits you." Jade smiles. This blonde boy is much more nicer than the rest of Phil's guest who either ran out of the apartment soon as they could, glared at him in disgust, or ignored him completely until Phil woke up so they could talk.

"Thanks." Dan muttered, hearing the kettle whistle. He opened the cabinet and grabbed a mug, setting it on the counter.

"You're welcome! You're very attractive, you know?" Jade said behind him. He heard a thud so he assumes Jade jumped on the counter, he looked back and saw that his assumption was correct. There he was, swinging his legs almost child-like with a goofy grin on his face. Most people weren't to someone's roommate who just fucked them.

"Uh, thanks. I'm pretty average looking though." Dan shrugged his shoulders and grabbed a packet of Lipton tea and set it in the hot water. He watched as the tea packet slowly sunk into the water turning into a sweet drink for the man to enjoy.

"No, you're not! You're actually the kind of guy I would like to date." Jade hopped off the counter and scooped the tea from Dan's hand.

"Oh," Was all Dan could really say in reply. He wasn't sure how to feel.

"I hope this isn't awkward when I ask this but could I maybe get your number?" Jade smiled sheepisly down at the hot mug. "I know it's kinda weird 'cause me and your roommate...yeah."

Dan thought about it for a minute. If Phil got to fuck a stranger, why couldn't he? Jade didn't say fuck but when you're in a relationship it tends to go that way down the line. "Sure, just don't expect me to fuck you senseless on our first date."

"Pfft!" Jade nearly choked on the hot liquid, laughing. "Oh my god, I promise you I don't expect that!"

"What's going on here?" A familiar but tense voice said from behind them. Looking over Jade, he saw Phil with a pair of sweatpants on, his hair a mess, and glasses shoved onto the bridge of his nose. His porcelain skin looked amazing as usual. Dan could see a few bite and scratch marks Jade had made during their 'activity'.

"Oh, hey! You're up, nice to see you sleepyhead!" Jade had a child-like personality, Dan knew already. It was like Phil's persona on YouTube expect his was in real life.

"Oh, uh, hey." A normal reaction really. No one expects your one-night stand to be having a cup of tea while chatting with your roommate happily once you wake me up. "Um, what's up?"

"Nothing much, oh, uh, Dan!" Jade seemed to remember something, snapping his gaze back to him. "This is really awkward but do you think I could borrow a pair of jeans and a shirt? We seem to be the same size and unfortunately _someone_ ripped mine to shreads. I'll make sure they're washed and return them to you on the date!"

Dan saw Phil's shocked expression with his brows furrowed, lips parted, and blue eyes darkening in confusion. He seemed perplexed and offended at the same time. Dan ignored it just like Phil ignored the possibility of Dan hearing his hookups. "Sure, I'll go grab something for you."

"Thanks! You're the best!" Jade smiled widely, his emerald eyes twinkling. He was cute, Dan had to give him that.

* * *

 

"What was that?" Phil asked after hearing the front door close.

"What was what?" Dan asked, playing innocence like Phil did everytime.

"You - him - that!" Phil sputtered, it was kinda of cute how he didn't know to properly express his feelings. Dan would have smiled if he had not been mad at Phil.

"What am I not allow to date, Phil?" Dan finally stopped in his way back to his room, snapping his head around to look at Phil who was so wide eyed it was almost comical. "You get to fuck half of the people at the bar down the street but I'm not allowed to go on one date? Honestly, you're such a hypocrite! You grab a hookup, bring them home, fuck them senseless and leave me with the aftermath of dealing with them! I hear it _all_ , Phil! So god forgive me for taking up the offer of a date when it was presented to me."

"Dan, I didn't know..." Phil looked down, feeling guilty. "I didn't know you felt that way. I thought I was being sneaky and careful but I always get drunk and come here instead of their place...I'm sorry."

 _'You don't mean it.'_ Dan sighed and turned to fully face Phil. "Just, please, the nice time you get a hookup...go to their place? I get you have needs but it's hard to sleep over all those moans."

Phil flushed bright red at the last statement. "Y-yeah. Sorry."

Dan smiled and shook his head. He was still mad at Phil but he wouldn't show it. He didn't want to ruin their friendship after all.

He hoped Phil would mean it. He really hoped.

* * *

 

"Oh - ah - mm - yes - ah - yes - oh yeah - mm, more!" He apparently didn't mean it when he brought a girl home this time around.

"Oh fuck this." Dan groaned, standing up from his bed and pulled opened his drawers. He slipped out of his pajamas and put on something a little more presentable. He put on a black jumper and black jeans, simple but perfect and pulled on his converse. He snatched his wallet, phone, and keys and headed out of his room.

"Ah - Phil - yes - oh - more - harder!" The girl moaned out, the bed creaking and grunting underneath her. Dan shook his head and headed out of the apartment. He needed to breathe in the mist of all this fog of angst.

He sighed as he stepped out of the doors of the building, breathing in the fresh cold night air. He began walking to the park, he didn't want to go to far incase his phone suddenly died on him. He landed his behind on a cold bench and looked up at the stars, feeling his chest go heavier.

He needed to vent and he couldn't call any of his friends at this hour and his family didn't give fuck about him since he left to do YouTube full-time. He did it the best way he knew how and how other celebrities did it, he decided to be indirect. He punched in his code and went to Twitter, ready to cause a shitstorm with worried fan and theories but at the moment, he couldn't care less. If Phil didn't care about his feelings, why should he care? At least he knew his fanbase cared about his feelings.

So he took a leap of faith and pressed tweet.

**@danielhowell:** _For a boy, you're good at saying sorry._

He smiled sadly, knowing he needed to vent exact details but didn't. For now, he'll wait till the sun rises and vent to Louise or PJ.

* * *

 

Of course, people were confused by the sudden odd tweet when Dan's twitter were mostly self-deprecating jokes and notifying his Twitter followers that the new YouTube video was out. As usual, they went into their theories but he didn't bother to read them. It wouldn't do him any good.

"I'm sorry, Dan." Phil apologized again once he realized he brought someone home in his drunken state.

"It's whatever." Dan shrugged.

"I promise it won't happen again!" Much as Dan wanted to put faith in Phil, he couldn't. He knew for a fact he wouldn't keep true to it.

"I believe you." He lied, not wanting Phil to feel bad for the way Dan was feeling despite it being completely and utterly his fault. If he didn't bring them home, Dan would be okay but he did and that's what bothers him.

"Thanks for having faith for me." Phil smiled like his old self. "Can we watch some anime now?"

"We have to go grocery shopping first. Someone ate all my cereal." Dan chuckled, shaking his head as he saw Phil's cheeks flush from being caught again.

"Sorry." He said meekly.

"Sure you are." Dan rolled his eyes.

* * *

 

"Dan!" Phil snapped Dan out of his video editing process. He mentally groaned as he removed himself from his chair, his joints and spine popping in the process. He tiredly made his way to the living room where he presumed Phil was.

"Yeah?" He yawning, looking at Phil. He was dressed in a simple white t-shirt, jeans, and that demin jacket that Dan adored. He loved it whenever Phil wore demin, it just looked so good on him. "Oh, you look nice."

"Really, you think so?" Phil smiled happily in response. Dan nodded, brightening Phil's eyes.

"Yup, now what did you want?" Dan said before it got awkward.

"Oh, I just wanted to let you know I was heading out. I'm meeting up with some long-lost university friends so don't wait up for me, okay?"

Translation: I'm going out to get fucked. Be asleep before I get back, okay?

"Yeah. Have fun." Dan said awkwardly, watching Phil wave a single time before slipping out the door.

* * *

 

He missed Phil. He really did. Phil can be shitty sometimes but so can Dan, especially when he's angry. He really loves Phil. He loves his stupid corny jokes and goofy little grin where he does that tongue thing. He loves how emotional he gets about things. He loves his wonderful electric blue eyes and how he could stare into them for hours and never get sick of it even if it's cliché sounding. He loves Phil's soft black hair that he just wants to run their fingers through. He loves his silky smooth pale skin and he just wants to caress and bite into it, leaving marks in his wake to remind Phil days after about him.

Dan clenched his hands into the pillow he was hugging tightly to his chest. His heart ached for Phil. No, it ached for Phil to love him.

He wants to cry and yell and kick the tables and throw the dishes until everything is rubble but he can't do that. He needs to grow up and move on but he'll never do that because that means leaving Phil. Dan never wants to leave Phil.

He wanted to do something with these unbearable feelings. He pulled down the black jumper sleeve to expose his wrist. He stared at it for a few moments, remembering how he used to hurt himself before he moved in with Phil. He was the reason he stopped hurting himself. It would be so easy to do it, just a little cut and all the pain would be gone even if it was only a moment of freedom.

But he can't do that. Phil can never know about that time in his life.

So he did the next best thing, he unlocked his phone and went to Twitter. He'll repeat what he did that night at the park. He needed to vent one way or another.

 _'Stupid broken heart.'_ He mentally cried, refusing the let out the tears that welled his eyes. He breathed in a shaky breath and pressed 'tweet'.

**@danielhowell:** _I've got all the symptoms of a girl with a broken heart but no matter what, you'll never see me cry._

He breathed in and out, trying to calm the tingling sensation that was taking over in his body but it didn't work. The sobs wracked through him like a truck crashing. He couldn't hold back anymore. He tossed his phone somewhere on the ground, turning over to face the couch, and hugged the pillow tight as he could. He let it out finally, tears falling down his eyes and sobs ruining his steady breath.

"Oh - ah - Phil - bedroom - ah - now!" An unfamiliar voice moaned after a creaking of a door echoed through the apartment.

 _'You've got to be fucking kidding me.'_ Dan growled mentally, trying to even his breaths out. He couldn't believe Phil! Well, actually he could but really?! He wasn't going to deal with this. He opened his eyes and sat up on the couch, hoping to scare the stranger off.

It didn't, of course, and he saw a sight he never wanted to see. Phil was attacking the man's neck, biting and sucking with a hand slipping in the back of their pants.

He wanted to cry more as they paid no attention to him and hurried off to Phil's bedroom.

* * *

 

"I can't take it, Louise! I hate it! It hurts so much!" Dan finally broke down in his friend's arms. Her softa arms were wrapped around his shoulders and his face was pressed into her neck. It was like a mother comforting a child. The mother he never had.

"Oh Dan, did you tell him how you felt?" Louise asked, running her soft fingers through his matted curls.

"I've told him that I hate that he brings strangers home! I've asked him to take them to _their_ place not ours!" Dan gripped Louise tighter, sobbing further into her. "He promised me twice! Twice, Louise! But he never does!"

"Dan, I didn't mean that." Louise shook her head, bringing her hands up to cup Dan's face. "Did you tell him how _you_ feel about _him_?"

"What - no - of course not! He'd kicked me out, Louise! He doesn't like me back so why would it change anything?" Dan said, letting the tears flow and flow.

"You need to tell him, Dan. You can't keep it to yourself." Louise said but he begged to differ.

"I've been doing it for almost ten years." He rolled his eyes.

"But it's hurting you, isn't it?" Louise questioned. She wasn't wrong. It was destroying him.

"Yeah."

"You need to tell him."

"I don't know how. He'll hate me."

"He won't."

"How do you know?"

"I just know."

* * *

 

Dan poked at his stir-fry. Maybe Louise was right, he should tell Phil. Was it really fair to Phil to hide this secret? But what happens when things don't go well?

Well, Jade was always an option. He had been texting Dan for a while now and maybe he could give this guy a chance. He seemed like a nice polite guy and he was pretty cute. Maybe he should bring up the offer of the date and see if Jade still wants to take him out.

Yeah, that might be nice. Maybe he could never tell Phil and just go out with Jade and see if any feelings develop. That would be nice.

"Oh - mm - ah!" Dan groaned out loud, hearing whatever stranger was over this time around. He was seriously tired of this but he had done and confronted Phil two times about it now and yet he continued to bring people over despite his former words saying he wouldn't.

He grabbed his phone and unlocked it. Indirecting Phil on Twitter no longer became a second option, infact he began to enjoy it. It felt nice to know people cared whenever he sent out vague crap.

**@danielhowell:** _You never cross my mind, that's what I tell myself..._

He would love to get over Phil, really he would. If he could've, he probably would have a long time ago. He took a leap of faith once again and called Jade.

* * *

 

"Dan?" Jade's voice seeped through the phone's speakers.

"Hey, I was wondering if I could take you up on your offer about a date? I wouldn't mind being taken out this Sunday." He smirked, trying to sound confident and calm. Sunday was one of the days Phil would go out to a bar down the street and grab someone to fuck. He really didn't want to hear it this time around.

"I'd love to! Do you mind me taking you out to Powerhouse?" Jade asked happily. Dan knew of that club, it was a gay club a few miles away from their apartment. He just hoped that Phil wouldn't be there.

"Sure, sounds good." Dan nodded to himself, agreeing to the time. He smiled after Jade hung up to 'prepare stuff', whatever that meant. He leaned against the wall, silently praying for this to work.

"Hey, what's up?" Phil popped in, noticing the strange pleasant look on Dan's face.

"Oh, nothing." Dan said, putting his phone down and saw that it was 6 o'clock. He might as well fix his famous stir-fry for dinner. "I'm just about to go and make dinner. Does stir-fry sound good?"

"Yeah," Phil said slowly, a bit confused on why Dan would seemingly hide something from him. "You look happy, did something good happen?"

"You could say that." Dan smirked, walking towards the kitchen.

"Are you going to tell me?" Phil asked, slightly irritated that Dan was teasing him.

"Nope, you'll just have to wait and fine out!" Dan chuckled, opening their cabients to look for the box of pasta and bottle of spices.

"Dan!" Phil whined but Dan shook his head, refusing to reveal to Phil that he had a date. A date with one if Phil's former hookups.

* * *

 

"Where are you going?" Phil stood shocked while Dan was sat down on the floor, pulling his shoes on.

"Out to a club." Dan said, pulling the shoe strings of his red converse tight and slipping them together to form a nice strong knot.

"Huh? Why?" Phil said, his lips parted and eyes wide. Was he that shocked to see Dan go out to a club? But then again, clubs were never Dan's scene so it's onlt expected he supposed.

"I have a date." Dan stood back up, wiping off the behind of his black skinny jeans. Beside that, he had put on a black turtleneck and threw on his leather jacket with it. He had even put in his silver ring earrings and did his hair nice and curly but not too much. He showered too for this date and put on some subtle cologne.

"A date? With who?" Phil gaped. Similarly, he was dressed for a night on the town too. He was dressed in a black and red plaid button-up and black jeans with his hair quiffed up nicely. He looked really hot with soft-looking pink lips, beautiful porcelain skin, and electric blue jaw-dropping eyes. Dan wanted to ravish him but he knew he couldn't. Phil would never want him and he had a date waiting for him down in the lobby.

"If you must know, I have a date with Jade. Happy?" Dan rolled his eyes.

"Is that why you were happy when I walked in the other day?" Phil said, his voice going husky and low like it did whenever he was having sex with strangers. It almost turned Dan on especially with the sultry look he was giving the brown-haired male.

"Y-yeah." Damn it, he stuttered! How embarrassing. "Ah, I've got to go."

"Right." Phil said just before Dan slipped out of the apartment with his heart beating like a drum in his chest as he raced towards the elevator, feeling too close to Phil in the moment.

He closed his eyes and breathed in. He needed to calm down, there was no reason to be anxious. It wasn't like he was cheating on Phil. They weren't even dating so it didn't matter even if he did love Phil.

"Dan!" Jade said, smiling brightly just as much as Dan had saw the last time they were face to face that morning long ago.

"Hey Jade," Dan mustered up a smile and walked over to Jade, shaking his hand before he was pulled into a crushing hug by the blonde.

"It's so good to see you again! I missed you." Jade smiled down at Dan. He was just a few more inches taller than Dan. Damn, he was tall.

"I missed you too," Dan said lowly, almost scared that Phil would be down here to hear it. He wasn't sure why he was so scared for Phil to see him with Jade. It seemed almost unreal. He was out here for the first time in the last decade out on a date with a guy.

"I'm glad to hear! Come on, let's go! I promise you'll love the club. My brother actually owns it!" Jade said, hooking an arm around Dan's shoulder and leading him out of the apartment building.

"Oh, cool." Dan replied, smiling as they headed to Jade's car. "I'm the best with alcoholic, supposedly I get really stupid when I drink. I'm just a mess so don't you dare take advantage of me."

"Gasp! I would never even think such a thing, Dan!" Jade gasped dramatically, placing a hand over his heart and pretended to be wounded.

Dan smiled to himself, stepping inside the car after Jade opened the door for him like a true gentleman. Maybe this could work out.

* * *

 

"This place is actually pretty nice," Dan said, looking around. It's was dimly lit with fairy lights taped to the cieling and walls all across the building. Of course, it had pride flags up which Dan liked. It was nice to people unashamed of themselves and proud to be them.

"I know, right? It's pretty cool." Jade said, gesturing Dan to a booth. "My brother put this up about a decade ago, back when being gay was still seen as bad to straight people."

 _'Me and Phil met almost a decade ago,'_ Dan thought at first, remembering 2009 all over again. How he persistently tagged Phil, wanting to know how he did it and refused to give before Phil finally gave into his old self's selfishness. He remembers how much they had common and how they slowly became friends and he remembers how nervous he was when they first videochatted on Skype. He was even more nervous when they met for the first time. But he quickly shook himself of those memories, especially the ones of him worrying night and day that Phil would find out his crush on the raven-haired boy. "That was really brave of him,"

"Yeah, I'm really proud of him." Jade said, turning to face the server. "What do you want to drink?"

"Do you have fireball?" Dan asked, he heard that type of alochol was best when you gave someone you're all and they didn't want it. According to Elitedaily at least. He really needed to stop searching up random things at three in the morning and head to sleep more often.

"Of course, sir!" The cherry waiter replied with a smile and Dan vaguely hears Jade order a shot of rum and coke as he looks over to the bar curiously. He's bored and he might as well have a look around while Jade and waiter chatter nonsense. He looked around and spotted someone, someone familiar.

It was Phil, smirking as he looked around. For someone to bring back to their place and fuck them into his mattress. Dan felt his heart shatter for what was probably the millionth time since meeting Phil Lester.

"Dan? Is everything alright?" Jade said, snapping him out of his heartbroken gaze and back into reality where he was indeed on a date with someone who was not Phil, someone who got to be fucked by Phil before.

"I - um, yeah I'm okay. Sorry, just dazed out for a bit. I'm really awkward in really populated places." Dan lied, although it was true,  to him. He shouldn't be thinking about Phil right now. It wasn't healthy for him.

"It's okay! Don't feel too pressured, okay?" Jade smiled warmly, reaching over and caressing Dan's knuckles with his thumb soothingly. Dan wished he could fall in love with Jade and just forget Phil. He was practically begging for it. "I'll be right back, I got to go to the bathroom. Alright?"

"Okay." Dan said.

The moment Jade left the booth, Dan looked back up where he saw Phil before. Naturally, he wasn't there anymore and he searched for Phil. He found him with another male at the bar. He was right across from Dan with his back turned to him. Did he see Dan when he was searching for someone to fuck? Did he know Dan was here?

He can go out and fuck whoever he wants and brings them back to their place while Dan can barely get over him. He continues to be in love with Phil and can even go one date without thinking about him. How fucking fair is that? Phil's happy out doing whatever he wants while Dan is suffering in a hole, watching everything go out right for the guy he's been in love with the past nine years.

He did what he does best. He indirects Phil on Twitter.

**@danielhowell:** _I know you're fine but what do I do?_

"Hey, sorry I took so long!" Jade said happily, sliding back into the booth.

"Oh, don't worry about it." Dan said, mustering up a smile. Looking back up from his phone where worried replies were plying up, he saw their drinks were here. He noticed he had more than one shot of fireball. He looked up at Jade with a perplexed expression who was smiled sheepisly.

"You seemed sad so I asked Jesse to add a few shots for you." Jade smiled, leaning forward. "You look like you just need a drink. I hope that's okay?"

Dan grabbed one of the shots and downed it, relishing in the burn. "Not at all." He giggled, feeling the rush already effecting him.

"Aw, what a cutie!" Jade chuckled, reaching over and brushing Dan's curls out of his eyes. "Dan Howell: The Cutie!"

Dan giggled at that before it was caught off by a voice. "Dan?"

 _'Just leave me alone,'_ He mentally groaned, finally glancing up at Phil who stared at him in shock just like back at the apartment.

"Oh hey, Phil!" Jade said with a polite smile. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"I didn't either..." Phil said, staring at the two. Dan felt awkward so he grabbed another shot and downed it, making Jade laugh.

"Wow, you're one heck of a drinker!" Jade joked.

"Dan, maybe you should slow down-" Phil said, actually worrying for Dan for once before the man from before wrapped his arms around Phil.

"Come on, Phil~" He said sultry, Dan nearly gagged. "Let's go!"

"O-okay." Phil stuttered, flushing red. Is he ashamed of his sexual behavior? He always seems to freeze up and blush whenever Dan talks with the people he fucks or the two times Dan asked him not to bring anyone home. But he shouldn't be ashamed, it's his life after all.

"This way~" The drunken brown-haired male dragged Phil away, who followed back smooth and slick as ever. He slipped back into the way he was before, a confident smirk adored his lips and a sultry expression took over him. It made Dan's heart clench again because he knows he can never have Phil.

Dan nibbles on his lip before unlocking his phone where it was still on Twitter, overlooking the aftermath of his tweet. He clicked the blue circle button again and vented.

**@danielhowell:** _I know you see me and you're making it look so easy._

Dan will never be a choice for Phil. He understands that, more than anyone else.

"Hey, I think I'm getting a bit too drunk. I know it cuts the date short..." He can't function like this. "Do you think we could go back to your place? He's probably gonna fuck them at our place and I don't really wanna..."

"Yeah, I get it." Jade nodded, calling over Jesse to collect the check so they could leave.

* * *

 

The thought of moans spilling out the unnamed stranger's mouth, his body getting shoved deep into the mattress, and clinging onto Phil for dear life as their body withered and shook against Phil's warm skin made him want to cry. He doesn't want to think about it but it's all that is clouding is mind.

He's holding it in like he always do, letting it build and build until he can't take it anymore. He grabs his phone off of Jade's coffee table and turns it on.

**@danielhowell:** _I'm awake and trying while you're sleeping like a babe beside him._

Dan closes his eyes, feeling the tears slip out of his eyes. He curls up on thes leather couch, the friction burning his limbs he drags his sweat littered skin across it. Everything hurts so much. That stupid phrase 'love hurts' is really true.

* * *

 

Maybe he's a bit stupid but he needs Phil. He hasn't had an episode of depression like this in a while and this intensity requires Phil. Phil helps it. He needs Phil, he doesn't care if his roommate has a hard-on.

"I'm going out, Dan!" Phil hollered from the doorway. Dan's body jolts with a rush, almost the passion to be alive once more, and jumping out of the bed with more energy than he's had all day. He guesses Phil heard his hurried footsteps and stopped confused on why Dan was in such a rush. "Dan? Is everything okay?"

"Actually," Dan breathed in, trying to calm his horrible nerves. "I kinda, need you, to stay...um, it's bad...episode..."

"I- what?" Phil widens his eyes. "But you haven't had it for a while...is everything alright?"

 _'No, of course not.'_ Dan whispers in his head to himself, the feelings of the last past three months getting to him but refusing to let it spill. "Yeah, yeah, I just need..."

"Dan, maybe it's best I don't." Phil frowns, wrinkles forming on his forehead. He was thinking deeply, his eyes seemed to be worried but Dan's unsure.

"What?" Dan says horrified.

"I, it's just...we haven't been getting along lately. I don't know if it wouod be good if I stayed." Phil explained, his posture going stiff.

"I-"

"I've gotta go, sorry." Phil squeezed his eyes tight, turning his back to Dan and rushing out the door leaving his best friend of almost an decade on his own. He breathes in a choked sob, squeezing his hands into fists before racing back to his room. He flies under the cover, gripping his phone tightly.

 _'Screw him,'_ Dan thinks with tears falling down his redden cheeks. He uses Twitter as his only outlet that seems to help him.

**@danielhowell:** _Why don't you stay?_

He breathes in, tossing his phone across the room. It was sure to crack. He grabs the cover and pulls it over his head, wanting to be hiden in the darkness and sleep for the rest of time. Nothing would have made him more content.

* * *

 

Why doesn't Phil want him? He questions himself over and over as he glances up at the man while filming a gaming video. He can't help but wonder why. Was he not handsome enough? Was he too fat? Was his skin too tan? Was he was too tall for Phil's liking?

"Dan!" Phil whines, snapping Dan out of his questioning glance. "What's up with you? You're so distracted lately..."

"Oh, uh, sorry." Dan looks down meekly, feeling his cheeks heat up. "I'll be back, bathroom, yeah."

"Uh sure-" Phil said in reply to Dan's sudden dash out of the office. He watches with wide eyes as his friend flees from him.

He can't breathe. He can't see with the tears covering his vision. All he can feel is the door against his back as he shakes and withers in pain. Emotional pain. He knows it's bad, he knows Phil has seen his tweet but he needs to. His pain is far too much and it's the most healthy way he knows how to feel better.

He takes a deep breath, dragging his fingers across the keyboard as he types in the lyrics. It could be bad really since Phil will definitely see it and he hasn't been with anyone else in the last past ten minutes but right now, he's too emotionally driven to think logically.

**@danielhowell:** _Strictly out ot curiosity, what would happen if you got with me?_

He breathes in, wiping his tears and tries to look presentable before he walks back on camera. Shoving his phone in his jean pocket, he gives his hair a few shoves before returning to his chair. He feels Phil's curious gaze on him but he pretends to never register it and goes back to making the video.

Just like most of the time. He's quite good at faking everything.

* * *

 

"Okay Dan, what's going on? I can't get a read on you." Phil finally confesses after the video is filmed. He turns to face Dan with perplexed eyes. "These vague tweets you've been sending out makes me no sense to me. I don't know what to do or what's wrong. Why won't you talk to me?"

"Phil, I tried. That Sunday, I tried to get you to stay and you didn't want to. You just needed to go to a bar and find a guy to fuck in _our_ apartment." Dan said, his hands shaking as he clutched them around his thighs.

"Dan, I just...why does it bother you so much?" Phil finally asked, narrowing his years at the younger.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Philip!" Dan shouts, standing up and knocking the chair against the couch. "Can you really not figure it out? I don't care that you have sex! Do what you want but could you not do it here? It's kinda hard to get over the person you've been in love for 9 years while they fuck some stranger across the hall!"

"Shit,"Dan thought, frozen in place as he finally registered what he said.

"...you love me?" Phil whispered out after moments of awkward silence between the two. Dan stared wide eyed, his mouth opening and closing like a fish on land. He couldn't believe he let that slip!

"I, uh, fuck it." Dan declared, gritting his teeth. "Yes! I'm in love with you!I've been in love with you ever since that first videochat! I get that you don't love me and I'm fine with that-"

"You really think that? That I don't have feelings for you?" Phil gaped. "Dan, the whole reason why I've been sleeping around is because I've been trying to get over you! I thought that if I got away from you during the times I desperately wanted you I could somehow get over you!"

"I - wait a - what?" Dan stuttered, barely being able to understand the words out of Phil's mouth and what they meant for him. What they truly meant for _them._ "Y-you've...you like _me?_ But I don't understand, why me? Why didn't you make a move? Is this some kind of sick joke?"

"Because I was scared okay!" Phil yelled, squeezing his eyes tight and Dan watched his fingers curled into a ball, shaking violently. Phil opened his bright blue eyes with tears glossing them over. "I thought that you weren't interested! That the playful flirting and banter was for the camera or just plain platonic! If I knew...I never would have! If I knew...I would've..."

"You would've what?" Dan whispered softly, realizing the gravity of the situation. Sure, Phil had been a bit of a douche but can Dan blame him? People deal with things in different way and Phil went to sleeping with people. But right now he didn't want to think about those strangers underneath the confident sexy Phil he knew nothing about. No, he was focused on the vulernable scared Phil who was staring at him like he was holding back, as if he was so scared of Dan.

"I would've..." Phil breathed in, forcing himself to walk closer to it despite the fast beating of his heart and the pounding of anxious word telling him to run away, far away and leave the country in embarrassment and shame. "I would've done this years ago."

Phil leaned in closer, his eyes so soft and sentimental it almost made Dan want to cry. His touches were so careful and hesitant, slowly cupping Dan's cheek so lightly that Dan just had to shake his head a little and Phil's hand would release him.

But no, Dan didn't want that. He wanted anything but that. This was Phil, his best friend, his flatmate, and the person he's been in love for _years._ He was getting emotional too, sue him. The wetness of his cheeks bothered him but he didn't dare to interrupt this moment that they've both been longing for in their hearts full of secret feelings for each other. He found the strength to run his hands up Phil's hip, grasping onto the cloth of the shirt on Phil's back, urging him closer to Dan so they were chest to chest. Phil finally found the courage from that to sink one of his hand's into Dan hair and tug his head upward.

Soft lips pressed against Dan's chapped ones, a feeling of belonging and satisfaction flooded his senses as he clinged to Phil. It was gentle at first, mouths molding against each other like pieces of clay before Phil ran his talented tongue over Dan's lips, silently asking something Dan's been begging inside his mind for years. He eagerly opened his mouth, letting Phil's tongue slip in and devour him.

Phil was everywhere. His tongue in his mouth, sending sparks down his back. His gentle fingers sliding down his sides, hips, and if you can name it, his hand had been in the places that was long forbidden behind the invisible pillar of friendship codes. Dan took in the affection like a man dying of thrist, taking in every soak and letting it replenish his heart.

"I'm sorry," Phil panted, finally pulling away. "I should have just told you. I'm so oblivious and I hurt you because of it. I'm such an idiot. I'm so so sorry, is there anyway you can forgive me?"

"It's okay," Dan hummed, nuzzling his face into Phil's shoulder. Phil was always so warm and comfy. "I should have told you too. You couldn't have known. Just long as you fuck me from now on, I'll forgive you."

"Dan?" Phil's voice cracked, stepping a way. Dan whined,desperately grabbing at his biceps. He wanted Dan's warmth. He now had it and he wasn't letting it go until he got sick of it. "Do you mean...you wanna...oh Christ's sake! Dan, will you be my boyfriend?"

Dan giggled at Phil's misfortune, loving how Phil lit up in a pretty fairy pink. "As if I'm going to make us wait any longer but you should know something about me..."

"What?" Phil stepped closer, wrapping his arms back around Dan.

"While I have been in a few relationship," Now it was Dan's turn to blush at the embarrassing fact he was about to admit. "I - um - I'm still - a - uh - virgin...in _both_ ways..."

"Aw, Dan." Phil giggled, squeezing Dan tighter in his arms. "It's okay, you can be a virgin at any age just like you can lose it at any age. We don't ever have to have sex if that's not what you want..."

"No, I do! I just thought, I, uh, let you know, um, ahead of time. I don't have, uh, any bedroom moves." Dan shyly buried himself in Phil's chest, sniffing the cologne Phil put on earlier that morning.

"Oh, trust me, that won't matter. The fact that I even have a chance to pleasure you makes me ecstatic to please you." Dan blushed even harder with Phil acting like he was some famous special celebrity like J-Law or Evan Peters. "But we don't need to worry about that now. How about we order pizza, put on Games of Thrones, and call it our first date?"

"Lazy, fat, and nerdy - how professional Phil Lester." Dan laughed against Phil's chest, shaking his head despite having a huge grin on his face. "I like it, treat me like a prince Philly."

"You said it," Phil backed away before scooping Dan up in arms, earning a loud squiek out of the six foot male.

"Phil, I'm too heavy and tall!"

"You said treat you like a prince." Phil said, peppering kisses on Dan's face while sitting him down on the couch. "I love you, Dan. So so much."

Dan smiled sheepisly, staring back at Phil with just as much emotion in his eyes as he was feeling. "I love you too, you spork. Now go order our pizza!"

"Yes, yes." Phil laughed, pulling his phone out of his jean pocket.

Maybe their story took a long while to get there. Maybe they were both a little too oblivious and stupid. Maybe they had made bad decisions but that was okay because they both knew what each other wanted and what was that? They just wanted each other forever and always.

-x-. "But you haven't had it for a while...is everything alright?"

 _'No, of course not.'_ Dan whispers in his head to himself, the feelings of the last past three months getting to him but refusing to let it spill. "Yeah, yeah, I just need..."

"Dan, maybe it's best I don't." Phil frowns, wrinkles forming on his forehead. He was thinking deeply, his eyes seemed to be worried but Dan's unsure.

"What?" Dan says horrified.

"I, it's just...we haven't been getting along lately. I don't know if it wouod be good if I stayed." Phil explained, his posture going stiff.

"I-"

"I've gotta go, sorry." Phil squeezed his eyes tight, turning his back to Dan and rushing out the door leaving his best friend of almost an decade on his own. He breathes in a choked sob, squeezing his hands into fists before racing back to his room. He flies under the cover, gripping his phone tightly.

 _'Screw him,'_ Dan thinks with tears falling down his redden cheeks. He uses Twitter as his only outlet that seems to help him.

**@danielhowell:** _Why don't you stay?_

He breathes in, tossing his phone across the room. It was sure to crack. He grabs the cover and pulls it over his head, wanting to be hiden in the darkness and sleep for the rest of time. Nothing would have made him more content.

-x-

Why doesn't Phil want him? He questions himself over and over as he glances up at the man while filming a gaming video. He can't help but wonder why. Was he not handsome enough? Was he too fat? Was his skin too tan? Was he was too tall for Phil's liking?

"Dan!" Phil whines, snapping Dan out of his questioning glance. "What's up with you? You're so distracted lately..."

"Oh, uh, sorry." Dan looks down meekly, feeling his cheeks heat up. "I'll be back, bathroom, yeah."

"Uh sure-" Phil said in reply to Dan's sudden dash out of the office. He watches with wide eyes as his friend flees from him.

He can't breathe. He can't see with the tears covering his vision. All he can feel is the door against his back as he shakes and withers in pain. Emotional pain. He knows it's bad, he knows Phil has seen his tweet but he needs to. His pain is far too much and it's the most healthy way he knows how to feel better.

He takes a deep breath, dragging his fingers across the keyboard as he types in the lyrics. It could be bad really since Phil will definitely see it and he hasn't been with anyone else in the last past ten minutes but right now, he's too emotionally driven to think logically.

**@danielhowell:** _Strictly out ot curiosity, what would happen if you got with me?_

He breathes in, wiping his tears and tries to look presentable before he walks back on camera. Shoving his phone in his jean pocket, he gives his hair a few shoves before returning to his chair. He feels Phil's curious gaze on him but he pretends to never register it and goes back to making the video.

Just like most of the time. He's quite good at faking everything.

-x-

"Okay Dan, what's going on? I can't get a read on you." Phil finally confesses after the video is filmed. He turns to face Dan with perplexed eyes. "These vague tweets you've been sending out makes me no sense to me. I don't know what to do or what's wrong. Why won't you talk to me?"

"Phil, I tried. That Sunday, I tried to get you to stay and you didn't want to. You just needed to go to a bar and find a guy to fuck in _our_ apartment." Dan said, his hands shaking as he clutched them around his thighs.

"Dan, I just...why does it bother you so much?" Phil finally asked, narrowing his years at the younger.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Philip!" Dan shouts, standing up and knocking the chair against the couch. "Can you really not figure it out? I don't care that you have sex! Do what you want but could you not do it here? It's kinda hard to get over the person you've been in love for 9 years while they fuck some stranger across the hall!"

"Shit,"Dan thought, frozen in place as he finally registered what he said.

"...you love me?" Phil whispered out after moments of awkward silence between the two. Dan stared wide eyed, his mouth opening and closing like a fish on land. He couldn't believe he let that slip!

"I, uh, fuck it." Dan declared, gritting his teeth. "Yes! I'm in love with you!I've been in love with you ever since that first videochat! I get that you don't love me and I'm fine with that-"

"You really think that? That I don't have feelings for you?" Phil gaped. "Dan, the whole reason why I've been sleeping around is because I've been trying to get over you! I thought that if I got away from you during the times I desperately wanted you I could somehow get over you!"

"I - wait a - what?" Dan stuttered, barely being able to understand the words out of Phil's mouth and what they meant for him. What they truly meant for _them._ "Y-you've...you like _me?_ But I don't understand, why me? Why didn't you make a move? Is this some kind of sick joke?"

"Because I was scared okay!" Phil yelled, squeezing his eyes tight and Dan watched his fingers curled into a ball, shaking violently. Phil opened his bright blue eyes with tears glossing them over. "I thought that you weren't interested! That the playful flirting and banter was for the camera or just plain platonic! If I knew...I never would have! If I knew...I would've..."

"You would've what?" Dan whispered softly, realizing the gravity of the situation. Sure, Phil had been a bit of a douche but can Dan blame him? People deal with things in different way and Phil went to sleeping with people. But right now he didn't want to think about those strangers underneath the confident sexy Phil he knew nothing about. No, he was focused on the vulernable scared Phil who was staring at him like he was holding back, as if he was so scared of Dan.

"I would've..." Phil breathed in, forcing himself to walk closer to it despite the fast beating of his heart and the pounding of anxious word telling him to run away, far away and leave the country in embarrassment and shame. "I would've done this years ago."

Phil leaned in closer, his eyes so soft and sentimental it almost made Dan want to cry. His touches were so careful and hesitant, slowly cupping Dan's cheek so lightly that Dan just had to shake his head a little and Phil's hand would release him.

But no, Dan didn't want that. He wanted anything but that. This was Phil, his best friend, his flatmate, and the person he's been in love for _years._ He was getting emotional too, sue him. The wetness of his cheeks bothered him but he didn't dare to interrupt this moment that they've both been longing for in their hearts full of secret feelings for each other. He found the strength to run his hands up Phil's hip, grasping onto the cloth of the shirt on Phil's back, urging him closer to Dan so they were chest to chest. Phil finally found the courage from that to sink one of his hand's into Dan hair and tug his head upward.

Soft lips pressed against Dan's chapped ones, a feeling of belonging and satisfaction flooded his senses as he clinged to Phil. It was gentle at first, mouths molding against each other like pieces of clay before Phil ran his talented tongue over Dan's lips, silently asking something Dan's been begging inside his mind for years. He eagerly opened his mouth, letting Phil's tongue slip in and devour him.

Phil was everywhere. His tongue in his mouth, sending sparks down his back. His gentle fingers sliding down his sides, hips, and if you can name it, his hand had been in the places that was long forbidden behind the invisible pillar of friendship codes. Dan took in the affection like a man dying of thrist, taking in every soak and letting it replenish his heart.

"I'm sorry," Phil panted, finally pulling away. "I should have just told you. I'm so oblivious and I hurt you because of it. I'm such an idiot. I'm so so sorry, is there anyway you can forgive me?"

"It's okay," Dan hummed, nuzzling his face into Phil's shoulder. Phil was always so warm and comfy. "I should have told you too. You couldn't have known. Just long as you fuck me from now on, I'll forgive you."

"Dan?" Phil's voice cracked, stepping a way. Dan whined,desperately grabbing at his biceps. He wanted Dan's warmth. He now had it and he wasn't letting it go until he got sick of it. "Do you mean...you wanna...oh Christ's sake! Dan, will you be my boyfriend?"

Dan giggled at Phil's misfortune, loving how Phil lit up in a pretty fairy pink. "As if I'm going to make us wait any longer but you should know something about me..."

"What?" Phil stepped closer, wrapping his arms back around Dan.

"While I have been in a few relationship," Now it was Dan's turn to blush at the embarrassing fact he was about to admit. "I - um - I'm still - a - uh - virgin...in _both_ ways..."

"Aw, Dan." Phil giggled, squeezing Dan tighter in his arms. "It's okay, you can be a virgin at any age just like you can lose it at any age. We don't ever have to have sex if that's not what you want..."

"No, I do! I just thought, I, uh, let you know, um, ahead of time. I don't have, uh, any bedroom moves." Dan shyly buried himself in Phil's chest, sniffing the cologne Phil put on earlier that morning.

"Oh, trust me, that won't matter. The fact that I even have a chance to pleasure you makes me ecstatic to please you." Dan blushed even harder with Phil acting like he was some famous special celebrity like J-Law or Evan Peters. "But we don't need to worry about that now. How about we order pizza, put on Games of Thrones, and call it our first date?"

"Lazy, fat, and nerdy - how professional Phil Lester." Dan laughed against Phil's chest, shaking his head despite having a huge grin on his face. "I like it, treat me like a prince Philly."

"You said it," Phil backed away before scooping Dan up in arms, earning a loud squiek out of the six foot male.

"Phil, I'm too heavy and tall!"

"You said treat you like a prince." Phil said, peppering kisses on Dan's face while sitting him down on the couch. "I love you, Dan. So so much."

Dan smiled sheepisly, staring back at Phil with just as much emotion in his eyes as he was feeling. "I love you too, you spork. Now go order our pizza!"

"Yes, yes." Phil laughed, pulling his phone out of his jean pocket.

Maybe their story took a long while to get there. Maybe they were both a little too oblivious and stupid. Maybe they had made bad decisions but that was okay because they both knew what each other wanted and what was that? They just wanted each other forever and always.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics:
> 
> You never cross my mind, that's what I tell myself. - A Little Too Not Over You
> 
> For a boy, you're good at saying sorry. - For A Boy By Raelynn
> 
> Strictly out of curiosity, what would happen if you got with me? - Snapback By Old Dominion
> 
> Why don't you stay? - Stay By Sugarland
> 
> I've got all the symptoms of a girl with a broken heart but no matter what you'll never see me cry. - Cry By Rihanna
> 
> I know you're fine but what do I do?I'm awake and trying while you're sleeping like a babe beside him. I know you see me and you're making it look so easy. - Fallout By Marianas Trench


End file.
